well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
