the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
