when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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