i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
