he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
