we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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