he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
