Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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