I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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