I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
