He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
