I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
