She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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