I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
