Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
