I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
