My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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