So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
