hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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