After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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