so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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