It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
