Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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