next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
