It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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