what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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