ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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