Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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