you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
