that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
