I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
