i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
