is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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