hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
