you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
