I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I party with great urgency now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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