So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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