Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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