I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
foreskin is a definite game changer
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
