Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
