He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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