i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
