found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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