I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just want nice things and good sex
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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