Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
