Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
