I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
