Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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