if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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