I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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