So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Fuck appropriateness.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
