did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
