Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
