he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
