i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
