it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
