it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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