i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
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