i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
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we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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