there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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