very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize