Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
